Beamer – you were my first baby – my little precious boy. I cannot imagine life without you – you brought me so much joy. How proud I was when Charles taught you to say “mama”! How much I loved to snuggle with you. But my favorite was rubbing your ears – soft as silk.
You were a stinker – and you know it – always pushing my patience. But I never let it get in the way of my love for you – a special love that I felt the night I picked you out of all the puppies for sale at the pet store.
We had so many good times together – road trips – windows down and wind blowing through our hair – sharing snacks, sometimes without my permission – chilling at the lake – forever chasing balls that you made mama throw until my arms almost fell off – running all through the house playing chase and hide and seek – so many good times – so many memories.
But as the years wore on, so did you. No more coming upstairs to sit next to my feet while I worked. No more jumping up in my bed to snuggle at night. No more chasing after the squirrels trying to steal the birds’ food. But you still seemed content to get around as best you could to be in the room with any of the family, slowly walking the yard taking in all of the smells – greeting us at the back door with such enthusiasm. And of course, never letting that appetite for special people food treats wind down.
But over the past couple of weeks your legs became so weak – too weak to hold you up for long. You began stumbling quite a bit and oh how I was so afraid of your getting hurt if you fell too hard or the wrong way. I just knew your body was giving out on you and that we had done all we could to keep that from happening.
The hardest thing in the world was deciding it was time to let you go. A big part of my heart was ripped out when that night finally arrived – just 48 hours ago. I can’t believe you are gone. My heart aches and the pain is unbearable. I know you are up in heaven now with Lacey, your friend, and your birth mommie and siblings, and that you are no longer feeling like the old man you became down here on earth. I can’t wait to see you again my man. I know you’ll be waiting for me so we can play and run together again.
Always remember that mama loved you more than anything in the world and that you were an incredibly important part of my life, and that Lauren, Matthew, Patches, and even Charles will miss you very much.
Take care of yourself until mama can get there and take care of you once again. Be good my man. Mama loves you. (I’ll be back in just a little while.)
I Love you With ALL of My Heart!
and MISS YOU so very, very much!
|23, May 2003|