Beatnik by Nancy Vazquez / mommy

I was lead to Beaty-boy through a worker at my college job. He sat there, head cocked to one side, watching me as all the other puppies scrambled around him to be acknowledged. His coat was brown with black tiger stripes, white ribbon ran from under his chin all the way down his tummy with grey freckles on his chest and a black round dot on his chin to match his black ears. White knee sox, black and white toenails.

I knew he was meant for me as I held him in the palm of my hand. He traveled in my backpack to all of my classes until he outgrew it. He graduated to laying astraddle my arm as I rode my bicycle to classes and work then eventually ran along side me in my travels..always at my side. When I started classes in the hospital he was very unhappy to have to stay with my bike so I had to keep him at home. We frolicked every afternoon when I came home. He carried his squeeky hotdog to the park and we’d play catch and tag for a while then go home to eat.

We graduated college together and spent the next several years as a couple – each day playing together and sharing a good run as I biked or bladed for miles. We moved to Missouri where he contracted a lung fungus the doc didn’t know how to treat. I would lie awake at night listening to him wheezing and struggling for breath and I would lie down with him and hold him. He would get short of breath and cough when he greeted me when I came home from work or where ever in his excitement and pleasure at our reunion.

I wanted to keep him with me forever, but as an asthmatic I knew first hand how hard he was working for every breath so I held him in my arms and loved him to sleep one afternoon. He has never left my heart and the pain of his absence in my life still brings me to my knees in grief. I hope to be reunited with him, and his brother Eric, in God’s special place. He was always there for me when I felt so alone.


I miss you so much,
Nancy Vazquez