It was so very hard to do, but, with you looking at me the way you have been these last few days, even weeks, I could only Love you and tell you it would be okay, Momma would take care of you and she would do what she could to make sure you were not going to question where my Heart was for you on that long and trying day, Friday, March 19, 2010. As I gave you your last bath and gathered your favorite blankey, the one you slways had to have with you since the day I brought you home at 6 weeks old, and you still needed that blanket 13 years, 1 month and 1 day later. You were one of my most prized gifts, I know God Blessed me with You and you were so very Special….He knew that I needed You and somehow, you needed me too.
So, as I gathered my thoughts and looked into your sweet face one last time, it was as if you had told me outloud, Momma, I’m tired…I can’t fight the fight anylonger….I had prayed that God would help me to help you and give me all the answers but, silence was not my friend that day. From all that had gone on that night before and early into the morning, I know that we both knew what I had to do. So, as I held you in my arms for that moment in time, when Dr.B said, it was the “right thing to do” at this time now, I felt the life drain out of me and I could not breathe, all I could do was tell you how much I loved you and everything would be okay, you would be in no more pain and at peace, I could no longer feel selfish just to keep you here with me while you were in more pain than anyone except me knew. That time had came, but, it was then that all was done and no going back, even if it were possible I could not let you suffer, for age gets the best of us all, both human or pets, the fight becomes too much and the pain too deep and it was at that moment of surrender that “I FELT & HEARD MY HEART BREAKING” AND THE LIFE LEFT YOU AS YOU WENT INTO THAT DEEP AND FOREVER SLEEP…..A PEACE THAT ONLY DEATH CAN CLAIM. YES MY HEART IS STILL BREAKING AND MY EYES LONG TO SEE YOU ONCE MORE AND MY ARMS ARE LEFT EMPTY FROM THAT MOMENT IN TIME, I’M STILL CALLING YOUR NAME AND LOOKING AROUND AT TIMES AS IF I’D FORGOTTEN AND ACTUALLY TRYING TO FORGET BUT, you are now in the arms of the angels that take care of babies such as yourself (which is how I choose to believe)and I one day hope that my pain from losing my best friend, my sweetie, my puppy even at 13 yrs.old) you will forever be that puppy I brought home in his Blue Blanket, the very one I saved to wrap you in when I lay you to rest, along with the last one you had. I think #3 that I had kept also, yes, it was the 1st Blanket and it too was tattered and worn but, yours all the same and with your MonkMonk you always played with and loved.
I wrote you a letter and placed it with you and a picture of you and I in happier, healthier days and a flower just to let you know that the sunshine was out, nice and warm, just like you liked it, a daffodil, spring time, you always loved it.
Take care my Little One and Your Mommy will never ever forget you and I will always Miss you and think of you every day, and this you know is a promise…our special bond…God help me through this I pray and I thank you for giving me my Little Man….:)
With Love For Always,
| Nancy Harris |