My Dear Dad,
It`s 3 am in the morning and I can’t sleep. I hope so much you can hear my words when I talk to you. I feel like L’ve always let you down some how. I’m so sorry. i know that my life would have been so different if you hadn’t of been taking away from me nearly 13 yrs ago a week
before my 8th birthday.
When I was growing up I longed to have my dad. It hurts that I never got to say goodbye to you properly by attending your funeral, but for some reason mum thought I was too young to go which was total rubbish, because of this I feel like there will always be that one last thing I should have done for you by being there. I’ll never forget kissing you goodbye for the very last time. I wish I had said I loved you. You suffered so much. You never deserved what you went through, and broke my heart to have to see you suffer in so much pain.
Everyday of my life I missed having my dad in my life as I was growing up and I still very much do still miss you. I feel so guilty for everything mum done to you with Pete while you were alive, while you were ill and after you died, a part of me begrudges her having a life and going out and doing things and seeing blokes do you think that’s wrong? I feel in my heart that you would of never wanted her to have Pete’s kid. It all seems so wrong. They are all here enjoying their lives. They created a new life! and you’re the one who had your life snatched away from you far too soon! I hate her for she done to you. I hate her for having Pete’s kid. I hate her for acting like a teenager and going out with blokes. If she met someone and was happy and they were having a proper relationship then maybe some may say she is entitled to have a life but it all seems so sordid and so not right.
You enjoyed every minute of your life and you lived it to the full. I’ll always remember you as my dad, the one who came strolling down strode road with a sporting life in his back pocket of his jeans; the cheeky cheerful window cleaner, who liked to have a bet on the horses, someone full of life a real charmer. You always made everyone smile. I know you’d be so proud that Kirsty is expecting a baby. I know she will tell her baby all about there special grandad that lives in the sky. You thought the world of Kirsty your baby, and I know you watch over her dad. God may have taken my dad and my cats away but no one will ever take my memories from me.
The christmas`s we had in hastings house,just the 4 of us and Snowey that was our family, my family!and I’ll remember those days for the rest of my life. Although I never showed it, I loved you to pieces my dad, my precious Dad.
Please keep my beloved Snowey and Bubbles wrapped tight in your arms; make sure they have a cozy chair to sleep on; make sure there bowls are always full, but most of all, Dad, tell them that I love them and miss them both so much. All 3 of you own a very special place in my heart. To me you are more precious than anything and you are all thought of and remembered every single day.
Most importantly of all you’re all remembered with a great big warm smile. I love you all forever and a day. I know when it’s time I’ll be with you all again. Miss you so so so much xxxxx
All my love,
|For You Dad|
|13, January 1991|