My precious G.T. (“Gray Thing”) had to be put down because she had become just too sick and in pain for me to bear it any longer, for her sake. The vet came to my home and we put her to sleep. It was the worst moment of my life, but I was with my baby to the end. We had to inject her three times with sedatives before she was ready for the final injection, and as I looked into her eyes, I saw her life leave them. I don’t ever want to experience such pain, agony, heartbreak and loss as I experienced then.
My G.T. was with me for 18 years.
The next day, I was so depressed that I told my husband I felt like I wanted to be with G.T., that I didn’t want to live anymore. I knew that her death would effect me, but I didn’t realize how much. My husband was very worried about me and wanted me to talk with a counselor or someone that could help me with my grief. I resisted. I sat in my rocking chair rocking away the hours and days, not feeling anything, not eating, not sleeping. For two days, I was lost. I begged God to take me away, to be with my G.T.
We were able to bury her in our yard, in a place she loved to sit in the sun and watch the birds. I lined her grave with rocks and stones I had collected over 20 years, all kinds of colored rocks and stones that people have given me.
I know some people won’t believe the next thing that happened, and it doesn’t matter if they do or don’t. As I finished placing the rocks on her grave, I had some rocks left over. Kneeling at the side of the grave, I smoothed out the dirt with my hands until it was all unblemished. I turned for no more than 2 or 3 seconds to look at the rocks behind me and decided not to put them there. When I turned back to her grave, there in the middle of the grave was a single paw print. There was no way an animal could have run across it and I not see it, there was just one, single paw print in the otherwise smooth dirt.
I felt the breath go out of me, I have never been so shocked. I called for my husband, running into the house and he came out and looked at it. He could not believe his eyes either, he was shocked and told me later he went into the house and cried. I was sobbing. All I could think about was the past two days how I felt my G.T. was gone, that she was no longer with me, that I wanted to die, that the pain and sorrow was overwhelming me. I was wrong. My G.T. is with me, she will always be with me. Her body may be gone, but her spirit, her soul, her love and the joy she brought me will always be there. I think G.T. was trying to tell me that. Since this has happened, my depression and feelings have gone away. I can talk about her and not sob, I can remember her and all we had been through together and not feel the ache in my heart and soul; I can remember her.
The loss of my dear friend and companion is hard to bear, but as long as I remember her she will still be with me always.
With a loving and thankful heart,
| G.T. |
| Frances Barclay |