Percy by Amanda / Amanda

Summer’s Return

The return of warm air and sunshine brings memories.
Memories that I don’t want to revisit.
Memories that I despise having tucked into my brain and soul.
Memories which are too painful to relive.
I remember the note on my tent, the words of the vet,
I remember the plane flight home, the receptionist’s words…
“WE have Percy…”
“…he has brown around his eyes”
Erin, is it Percy?
“Yeah…it’s Percy”

“…he has brown around his eyes”

I remember the song and the deep staring.
The deepest connection that I have ever felt with another living being.
The purest form of communication,
with no need of words.

I remember the last walk in the yard.
The warm sun on his face, the cool grass on his skin.
Promises made
…that wouldn’t be kept,
…that couldn’t be kept.

I remember the hope the next morning as I watched the clock,
Hoping.
I remember the phone calls…
“Euthanize him now?”
Absolutely not!

I remember the kisses and the “I love you’s”.
I remember saying “I love you” for the very, very last time.
Memories of absolute, soul-deep sorrow.
Indescribable. Surreal.
Unbearable. Overwhelming.

Memories of his perfect paws. Touch them as much as I can.
Feel them.
Never ever forget them.
Never ever forget him.
How can I leave him? Forever?
Memories of letting his paw…slip out of my hand…for the very…last…time.

The return of warm air and sunshine brings these memories.
Memories that I do not wish to own.
Memories that I do not want to revisit.

I miss my boy.
My Percy.

 

Till we meet again,