This is Tiger “Kitty Buddy’s” story.
I am so sad at this moment in my life and I am hoping by writing this story about my best friend that I will be able to come to some closure. All of you have touched my life in so many ways that I wanted to share this story with you and say thank you for caring about me and helping me thru this difficult time.
Tiger first stopped by in the spring of 1999.
I had just gotten divorced from Mike, my Shih Tzu, Brittany, died and my grandpa died all in a 3-month window. It was a terrible period in my life. I remember just walking around and saying over and over “why is this happening to me?”
One warm, early spring morning, I remember I was sitting outside on my front sidewalk feeling bad, very lonely and unsure of my life. I was making plans in my head to move to Arizona to get away for a while. As I sat there, in wandered a little kitty to say hi. When I say little, I immediately thought it was someone’s kitten. She had a thin collar with only a bell attached and with each step she took the bell would jingle and she would meow. She obviously belonged to someone and was extremely social. She came right up to me and I petted her and said, “who do you belong to kitty?” She replied, “meow” in the sweetest trilly perfect voice. She didn’t seem afraid at all. I remember thinking to myself that for being a dog person my entire life this cat was pretty neat.
A couple months passed and I began to firm up plans to move to Arizona for a while. I received frequent visits from “jingles” as I called Tiger at the time. She would show up and insist that she would need to come in and I would feed her tuna. I confirmed that she was once someone’s cat only because she knew the sound of a can opener. Some days she wanted to stay longer and would go under the bed or table and I would have to try and get her out of the house because I would say “you can’t stay…I don’t have a litter box and I am not making you my cat…you have owners somewhere…plus I am allergic to you.” She would just look at me from under wherever she was as if to say “too bad lady I am staying so go to work.” Most days when she did this she got her way. Deep down, I enjoyed her visits as she kept me company.
To speed up time a bit….I moved to Arizona and came back in August of 2000. I met Kevin in Arizona. When I decided that it was time to come back to Michigan, Kevin decided to move here too. We had put together a 5-year plan for living in Michigan. But here I am 10 years later and I think one big reason I was hesitant to leave sooner was Tiger loved this property so much.
So we got settled into this house from Arizona and one day I heard a meow one at the front door. It was my kitty friend visiting. I remember her sweet voice and again with each step she took a sing-songy meow came out of her mouth. Although this time I noticed there was no collar.
Kevin and she finally met. She seemed to really love Kevin – even more than she liked me. Kevin started calling her “kitty buddy” when she would show up. Even though I was gone for months in Arizona and even a winter, we pretty much picked up where we left off. She would visit for tuna or some days she would just want to sleep behind the entertainment center for a couple hours. Now both Kevin and I were hooked on this cat.
As she continued to visit, I started asking neighbors if they knew the cat and most had seen her but didn’t know who she belonged to. I would speculate with friends and say “I wonder whose cat she is?” They would reply “yours” and I would say “oh no. no. no. I am just helping her.” It was like I was afraid to commit to her but she clearly had made up her mind that we were her new family. So she would come and go and we would take care of her but let her do “her thing.” I was afraid to fully commit because the pets I have lost over the years nearly devastated me. I am so much of an animal lover. I knew if I made a commitment that one day I would be dealing with loss and I couldn’t go thru that again.
The breaking point of Tiger becoming “our cat” started when I began to worry if I hadn’t seen her in one day. I would go up and down the street and thru the woods until I found her. She always showed up and I would be so relieved. We would go out for dinner and come home late and if she had been outside when we left…we always returned to 2 little glowing eyeballs sitting on the front porch chair and then greeting us at the garage door to come in with us. We’d always say to each other driving up the driveway “there’s that cat.” Then we’d get out of the car and she’d meow and Kevin would say “there’s my buddy. what are you doing cat?” Kevin committed fully to the cat on the day he went and bought real cat food vs. tuna. He brought home Fancy Feast and she loved it. Soon after we started buying beds and litter boxes and toys. And when I say beds. This cat had 7 beds around the house that were all special to her. Every time I saw a comfy bed at the store, I had to have it for my kitty. She really loved her cat condo that Pam gave to her. She used the upstairs and the basement of this house where Kevin and I rarely go. It was all hers and I liked that she was filling empty spaces.
It was not until one day a few months into taking care of her and making her ours that a neighbor that lived on the exact opposite end of the street walked down to our house and we were talking outside that I discovered something. These people had purchased the house next door, where I grew up, from my parents a couple years back. They were slowly remodeling it but all the while living at the opposite end of the street. With that said, I was standing outside and talking to Nancy that day and kitty buddy wandered over to rub my legs and Nancy looked down and said “Tiger” as if she was telling the cat (my cat) to not do that. I was SHOCKED. I said “do you know this cat?” She said “yes…that is our cat.” I told Nancy that Tiger had been living on and off – mostly on – for months with us. Did she not know the cat was missing? She said “Tiger is a survivor, she takes care of herself so I don’t worry about her” and then proceeded to tell me she was old…not a kitten…but maybe 6. I just couldn’t understand if you owned an animal why you wouldn’t take better care of it and was thinking if 2 or 3 weeks went by…why didn’t Nancy come looking for the cat? That night even after the discussion with Nancy, Tiger was still sleeping in our house. It became pretty clear that they really didn’t pay much attention to Tiger. That night I remember testing the cat out to see if she knew her name “Tiger” and she turned to look at me each and every time. The cat that was our “kitty buddy” knew her name was Tiger. So Tiger it was. Kevin never called her Tiger…he always used “cat” and “buddy”…and she was exactly that…his buddy.
So for the following few months things were odd. Tiger was sort of ours now but we knew she belonged to Nancy. We were taking care of her though and worrying about where she was and was making sure she had a safe place to sleep etc. Chuck and Nancy were coming around more to work on their house next door and sometimes Tiger would wander over and go inside the open house and then they would leave not knowing she was in there and lock the house back up. She would be stuck inside the house next-door and looking out the window for hours. I would see her there and I would go over and break into the house thru an open and get her out. She would trot behind me following me back over to my house. This went on for a while me breaking into the house to get her out. It was like she knew I would always come to find her no matter where she was…and I did. I even discovered her inside a vacant guest house of my neighbors one day. It was so odd…no one had even been there for months and there she was inside. I still have no idea to this day how she got in there. She was quite the explorer.
As time passed and Chuck and Nancy moved in next door, it became clear to everyone that Tiger was ours. Chuck and Nancy already had 2 dogs and another cat, which my cat hated. I really think this is why Tiger moved out in the first place. They got animals that she hated. She seemed to love to be the only cat and they never respected that about her. Nancy said to me one day when we were outside and chatting that she felt Tiger belonged to us now. I was thinking when she said this “do you think?…you don’t even make an effort to keep track of her or feed her and it has been like 2 years.” Regardless, it was a relief to hear this because there were times I wondered if they would say “we want her back.” That would have devastated me. I had become fully attached to this little cat. Nancy shared a photo of Tiger with me one day that they got when they adopted her back in 1996. It was a Polaroid of her that the vet that found her on the streets of Detroit took. It said “1996 – one year old female spayed” under the picture of her. This is how I figure that she would be 14 this year.
Years passed and Tiger just became less wild and more of an indoor/outdoor cat. She stopped going next door and getting herself into trouble by going into things…she just knew we were her family so she stayed nearby. She never stopped wanting to go outside but we always knew approximately where she was in the yard and she’d check in every couple of hours. Her thing was to make a lap around our property and check out her favorite areas: the ravine, the swamp, the woods and then go down to the corner to check for rabbits and back home to her comfy bed to rest up. She was such a smart cat. I really respected her. For only being 5 lbs. she was so in control of her world and was a complete survivor I could tell.
There were times she would not show up right away and I would lose my mind. Kevin can tell you that I would wander around and cry and say she was dead and be so scared. I would call and call her and she wouldn’t come (I am only talking 4 hours or so though)…but then suddenly I would be outside and shine my flashlight to the end of the driveway and these 2 little glowing eyes would be trotting up the driveway to come home. She would come in and meow as if to say “I heard you. I heard you. But I was busy ok and you were bothering me…now can I have fancy feast.”
Tiger had such a love for the outdoors so winters were very tough. She would go stir crazy. We had to create regular playtime inside to occupy her mind from the fact that it was cold and snowy outside. We made litter boxes of sand and one of woodchips to remind her of the outdoors. We also grew grass from the yard inside in the winter. She loved to chew on grass. When we first met Tiger she would attempt to go out in the cold but the last 3 winters she was content being inside all the time. She had gotten used to sleeping in one of her 7 fleece lined beds and being covered up and tucked in before bed at night. She even adopted the suitcase on the basement shelf next to the furnace as an eighth bed so we brought blankets down to the shelf to make it even more comfortable for her. Whatever she wanted, she could have. She was our baby kitty friend.
Tiger loved to bum around with Kevin on the property and explore the ravine with him. Climbing on logs like he would do. She would mimic every move of his. If he wanted to get the mail, she would walk close by and check the chipmunk holes along the way. They would get the mail and sit on the bench together by the mailboxes often. She would chase little balls in the yard like a dog and get a burst of energy and run up trees. She was so fast! It would amaze me how good of a climber that cat was even at 13 years old. She loved to hunt baby rabbits and chipmunks and even though it made me sad to see the dead animals, I knew this was her nature and she was happier doing it. She’d bring presents often and a couple times jumped in the window WITH the baby rabbit in her mouth, running thru our bedroom. That was interesting to say the least. She loved both of us but I will admit that she loved Kevin more. She listened to Kevin all the time and though she hated being picked up, she would let Kevin pick her up. He would say “come on buddy get up” and she would jump up on his couch and “make biscuits” (cat owners know this term) behind him in her fleece bed on the arm of the couch. They would sit in the TV room for hours together and then he would tuck her in each and every night before bed. In the winter he would even cover her up with a blanket and kiss her goodnight. She loved being covered up and tucked in. They were best friends too. And as Kevin said, not being from Michigan, she was his only true Michigan friend. Kevin never wanted to be her “dad” but rather her “cool uncle” and we joked about that a lot.
Tiger loved me I know it. But we had a different relationship. I was her “momma cat.” She knew this. She allowed me to play with her and pet her on her terms. I’d get smacked here and there when I petted too much. But that was ok with me. She hated that I loved to pick her up and kiss her. I just couldn’t help it because she was so cute and pretty. She was such a sweet little girl. She never destroyed anything in the house and never jumped up on things. Even when I wanted her to. I loved her so much. I think I loved her as much as she loved Kevin if that makes sense. She became my kid and gave me a purpose for doing things in my life. She came into my life when I needed a friend the most and just took care of me every day. I was the one who prepared meals for her mostly and when the cat didn’t like a variety of food, I would easily open another can. I didn’t ever mind if any food went to waste. I just wanted her to have a choice and be satisfied. When she got ill with pancreatitis I didn’t care if I had to open 10 cans in one day just to get her to eat. I would have done anything for my kitty. I miss calling her my favorite names like puppy, monkey and stinky. She had so many nick names.
Tiger had a nice balance between outside and inside in the summer. I felt her outside time was supervised where she would only go around to certain areas and then come home. She slept a lot on the porch in the summer on one particular lounge chair in the corner. And because in the evening the sun would set and start to blind her…I had a blind installed on the porch to screen the sun from hitting her eyes. I knew all her spots in the yard and she lessened the amount of areas she traveled because she knew she had it so good with us. Spring was always tough though as she made so many trips to the corner to look for newly hatching baby rabbits. I would even walk her down to the corner sometimes because I didn’t want her to have to cross the street area alone. Our road is not busy at all. It is dirt and only the six people that live here on this side use it but I still felt I needed to be her safety and help her cross the street. She loved to sleep in our Lilly beds around the house or in the top of the garage even if it was 100+ degrees. We would drag her out of there on some summer days and she would make her way back up there anyway. She loved it HOT. One of her favorite things to do outside was to roll on the brick sidewalk or in a dirt patch or in front of the garage doors on the cement. She liked warm sunny sidewalks and would flip back and forth and get all dirty and just be happy covered in dust and pine needles. Tiger walked around these woods and owned them. She was so in control of her surroundings. The neighbors knew her and she knew their dogs and her safety zones. My neighbors have mentioned how much they actually liked seeing her come by for visits including Bill who was her friend.
We would take Tiger up north on summer trips because I would have missed her too much to leave her home. She hated car rides but I would sit in the back seat with her and help her along the way by petting her for 4+ hours on trips. Making sure if she got carsick I was with her the entire time. On shorter trips she had Susan and Lori as pet sitters and they were so good to her.
We have had hawks, owls, coyotes and red fox frequent this property and I worried that one of them would carry her off one day. But somehow when I stood back and watched and saw that she came home every day for 13+ years on this street, I knew she was smart and she knew how to avoid them. I believe she had worked out a mutual understanding and respect with the other animals so to not harm each other. I couldn’t ever deny her the outdoors because this is the only one thing that Tiger truly loved.
Tiger was really never very ill in the 9 years she lived with us. She had one bout in 2006 where she became picky eating and I thought she might have eaten the pet recall food during that scare but she recovered after a couple months. I never really understood what that was about… but she got better so that is all that matters.
This past February (Feb 2009) after doing so well over the winter, Tiger started getting picky again with food. We had just returned from a trip to Arizona and so I thought maybe she was upset we went out of town and left her. A week passed at the beginning of March where the picky-ness was not going away so we went to the vet. I took Tiger to a special cat only practice because it was important that she get the best care possible.
The vet ran all sorts of tests for several weeks as she seemed to continue to get really picky with food. All tests came back normal except the one that we sent to Texas A/M University that measured the pancreas. The levels came back high so the vet diagnosed her with pancreatitis. The condition was not curable but it was controlled with several medications. Cats can live with pancreatitis.
We started on meds for a while but Tiger really wasn’t doing well on the meds and was having side effects. Other than the Prednilisone that was to treat the inflammation of the pancreas, I stopped the symptomatic meds. She seemed to start eating then suddenly so we decided to tapper all meds off for a while. Plus she was happier that we weren’t picking her up and shoving pills down her throat. She seemed better off the meds for awhile.
But at the beginning of April she started to do badly again. She had good and bad days for that month until May when we took her to get an ultra sound at a wonderful place in Canton. They were so good to her. Ultra sound came back normal for the most part other than the pancreas looked inflamed so again they confirmed it had to be pancreatitis but no one knew why the episode was lasting so long. You see with pancreatitis the flair acts up and then it settles back down and sometimes you can get years in between flairs so it is a condition cats can live with. That is if you know how to recognize the flairs and treat when they act up. The 2006 episode now makes me think she had a flair back then and it was not pet recall food. No one could tell me this time though why the flair up was lasting months. She had lost about a half a pound, which is significant for a cat that only weighs 5 lbs. She just was starting to look older to us too but we were doing everything possible to help her and keep her life as normal as possible. I was working at home certain days and Kevin was too. We started up new meds and were trying different things but she was still so picky. The only way to get Tiger to eat regularly over the last 3 weeks was to give an appetite stimulant. She hated to be picked up and then having to open her mouth to pill her. This stressed her out so much. But even so, she was still going out and hunting and getting around. She never gave up no matter what, even when it appeared she was feeling nauseated or in pain. She made trips to explore the woods and always came back to us and had that survivor mentality — the outdoors made her so much happier.
On her bad days, Kevin and I talked about the day that we might have to put her down at the vet and that just was so hard for me to visualize. I would say at that time that it would almost be easier if she died outside or if a coyote got her…but I was saying this when she was here. Now that this is a reality it is almost harder. I keep asking though, is it better if she died by being taken away by a coyote or having to put her down at the vet? I just hate that these ideas are running thru my head.
This past Memorial weekend, I decided to go upnorth and Kevin stayed home to help the cat because it was too tough to ask anyone to watch her and give medication. And I didn’t want her to be sick in the car. I needed a break because for 3 months we have been trying to get her to eat normally and I was burned out. I decided to stay only one night upnorth and came home at 10pm on Sunday before Memorial Day. I walked in to find Kevin and the cat hanging out upstairs in the window and she meowed a happy meow when she saw I was home. I petted her and said that I was going to unpack and would be back to see her in a bit. Kevin and I talked about giving her an appetite pill that night to make her eat since Sunday was a bad day for her. We were keeping track of everything we fed her in a log and writing down her every move whether good or bad to keep track of her life. So at 11:30pm that Sunday – May 24, 2009, I let Tiger outside like all the other nights where she went out for about 2 hours and came in. Tiger had something sticky on the top of her head so I asked Kevin and he said that she spent the day under the pine trees and it was sap. I brushed her real quick and cut out the sap on the top of her head….kissed the top of her head…and then let her outside saying “ok buddy, I love you, when you get back I will give you a pill but you are off the hook for a couple hours.”
Tiger never came home.
We have searched about 20 acres with no signs of anything. Called local vets, police, put up flyers, talked to neighbors about opening garages, sheds, campers. No sign. The only sign we have seen is a clump of fur. But the fur doesn’t look like hers….it looks like old rabbit. I didn’t sleep for 48 hours straight when she first went missing and have waited for her every night. Crying hysterically like it is all my fault that I let her out. This cat that I didn’t want to commit to in the beginning became my special friend and kid. She came into my life when I was lonely and filled a gap. She took care of me more than I took care of her. I am so lost without her. The not knowing part is killing me. The only closure on her life is this letter because I don’t know what happened to her. Sometimes I think it would be easier to discover a body than not knowing. I know soldier’s families say this when their kids end up MIA in war. I didn’t really understand this till now. Having a body gives closure. Otherwise you wonder forever.
When Brittany my dog died, it was sad but not the same. We buried Brit. Tiger came into my life suddenly and left just as sudden 9 years later with no trace. Made an impact more than anyone could ever imagine and I am left here without her. Not knowing and sad. She would have been the one that comforted me when I was feeling this way, sad. I need her now more than ever. I would have simply petted her and she would have purred and I would have felt better all the way around. I find myself sleeping with one of her blankets every night. I feel better knowing she touched it at one time. I walk around the house and see her bowls on each level of the house, the beds, the blankets, the toys and she is not here. I see the steps we built on the backside of the porch so she wouldn’t have to go all the way around to get up to the porch.
When Tiger was about 11 she started clicking when she walked. Sounded like her nails on wood floor but we discovered it was a joint that didn’t really bother her just made a noise. I still hear clicking today because she “clicked thru” our bedroom every morning. I hear her jumping into the window in our bedroom because the wicker chair makes a crackling sound when she jumped up. But then I look and listen closer and she is not there. I hear her purring in her bed but the bed is empty. I remember her reaching and stretching her paw out to me often when I would walk by her bed when she was resting…almost as if to say hi. I REMEMBER IT ALL AND THAT IS THE PROBLEM…because it is only a memory now.
The woods are so silent now. When she used to travel around the squirrels would warn each other of her passing. The woods are silent now. She is gone.
I want to ask you Tiger my friend, my monkey, my puppy, my little girl, my baby kitty cat….
Where did you go?
If you went away to die, I respect that.
If you met your fate with a coyote or fox, I am so sorry.
If you are stuck somewhere and can’t make it back, I love you. I couldn’t find you this time.
I will never stop waiting for you but in my heart I will have to move on eventually. You taught me so many things and I really was able to move forward with my life because of you. I am suddenly back 9 years ago and feeling those feelings of “what do I do now?” all over again.
I will never forget you…you are at peace now baby girl.
This is Tiger “Kitty Buddy’s” story.
I am so sad at this moment in my life and I am hoping by writing this story about my best friend that I will be able to come to some closure. All of you have touched my life in so many ways that I wanted to share this story with you and say thank you for caring about me and helping me thru this difficult time.
Tiger first stopped by in the spring of 1999.
I had just gotten divorced from Mike, my Shih Tzu, Brittany, died and my grandpa died all in a 3-month window. It was a terrible period in my life. I remember just walking around and saying over and over “why is this happening to me?”
One warm, early spring morning, I remember I was sitting outside on my front sidewalk feeling bad, very lonely and unsure of my life. I was making plans in my head to move to Arizona to get away for a while. As I sat there, in wandered a little kitty to say hi. When I say little, I immediately thought it was someone’s kitten. She had a thin collar with only a bell attached and with each step she took the bell would jingle and she would meow. She obviously belonged to someone and was extremely social. She came right up to me and I petted her and said, “who do you belong to kitty?” She replied, “meow” in the sweetest trilly perfect voice. She didn’t seem afraid at all. I remember thinking to myself that for being a dog person my entire life this cat was pretty neat.
A couple months passed and I began to firm up plans to move to Arizona for a while. I received frequent visits from “jingles” as I called Tiger at the time. She would show up and insist that she would need to come in and I would feed her tuna. I confirmed that she was once someone’s cat only because she knew the sound of a can opener. Some days she wanted to stay longer and would go under the bed or table and I would have to try and get her out of the house because I would say “you can’t stay…I don’t have a litter box and I am not making you my cat…you have owners somewhere…plus I am allergic to you.” She would just look at me from under wherever she was as if to say “too bad lady I am staying so go to work.” Most days when she did this she got her way. Deep down, I enjoyed her visits as she kept me company.
To speed up time a bit….I moved to Arizona and came back in August of 2000. I met Kevin in Arizona. When I decided that it was time to come back to Michigan, Kevin decided to move here too. We had put together a 5-year plan for living in Michigan. But here I am 10 years later and I think one big reason I was hesitant to leave sooner was Tiger loved this property so much.
So we got settled into this house from Arizona and one day I heard a meow one at the front door. It was my kitty friend visiting. I remember her sweet voice and again with each step she took a sing-songy meow came out of her mouth. Although this time I noticed there was no collar.
Kevin and she finally met. She seemed to really love Kevin – even more than she liked me. Kevin started calling her “kitty buddy” when she would show up. Even though I was gone for months in Arizona and even a winter, we pretty much picked up where we left off. She would visit for tuna or some days she would just want to sleep behind the entertainment center for a couple hours. Now both Kevin and I were hooked on this cat.
As she continued to visit, I started asking neighbors if they knew the cat and most had seen her but didn’t know who she belonged to. I would speculate with friends and say “I wonder whose cat she is?” They would reply “yours” and I would say “oh no. no. no. I am just helping her.” It was like I was afraid to commit to her but she clearly had made up her mind that we were her new family. So she would come and go and we would take care of her but let her do “her thing.” I was afraid to fully commit because the pets I have lost over the years nearly devastated me. I am so much of an animal lover. I knew if I made a commitment that one day I would be dealing with loss and I couldn’t go thru that again.
The breaking point of Tiger becoming “our cat” started when I began to worry if I hadn’t seen her in one day. I would go up and down the street and thru the woods until I found her. She always showed up and I would be so relieved. We would go out for dinner and come home late and if she had been outside when we left…we always returned to 2 little glowing eyeballs sitting on the front porch chair and then greeting us at the garage door to come in with us. We’d always say to each other driving up the driveway “there’s that cat.” Then we’d get out of the car and she’d meow and Kevin would say “there’s my buddy. what are you doing cat?” Kevin committed fully to the cat on the day he went and bought real cat food vs. tuna. He brought home Fancy Feast and she loved it. Soon after we started buying beds and litter boxes and toys. And when I say beds. This cat had 7 beds around the house that were all special to her. Every time I saw a comfy bed at the store, I had to have it for my kitty. She really loved her cat condo that Pam gave to her. She used the upstairs and the basement of this house where Kevin and I rarely go. It was all hers and I liked that she was filling empty spaces.
It was not until one day a few months into taking care of her and making her ours that a neighbor that lived on the exact opposite end of the street walked down to our house and we were talking outside that I discovered something. These people had purchased the house next door, where I grew up, from my parents a couple years back. They were slowly remodeling it but all the while living at the opposite end of the street. With that said, I was standing outside and talking to Nancy that day and kitty buddy wandered over to rub my legs and Nancy looked down and said “Tiger” as if she was telling the cat (my cat) to not do that. I was SHOCKED. I said “do you know this cat?” She said “yes…that is our cat.” I told Nancy that Tiger had been living on and off – mostly on – for months with us. Did she not know the cat was missing? She said “Tiger is a survivor, she takes care of herself so I don’t worry about her” and then proceeded to tell me she was old…not a kitten…but maybe 6. I just couldn’t understand if you owned an animal why you wouldn’t take better care of it and was thinking if 2 or 3 weeks went by…why didn’t Nancy come looking for the cat? That night even after the discussion with Nancy, Tiger was still sleeping in our house. It became pretty clear that they really didn’t pay much attention to Tiger. That night I remember testing the cat out to see if she knew her name “Tiger” and she turned to look at me each and every time. The cat that was our “kitty buddy” knew her name was Tiger. So Tiger it was. Kevin never called her Tiger…he always used “cat” and “buddy”…and she was exactly that…his buddy.
So for the following few months things were odd. Tiger was sort of ours now but we knew she belonged to Nancy. We were taking care of her though and worrying about where she was and was making sure she had a safe place to sleep etc. Chuck and Nancy were coming around more to work on their house next door and sometimes Tiger would wander over and go inside the open house and then they would leave not knowing she was in there and lock the house back up. She would be stuck inside the house next-door and looking out the window for hours. I would see her there and I would go over and break into the house thru an open and get her out. She would trot behind me following me back over to my house. This went on for a while me breaking into the house to get her out. It was like she knew I would always come to find her no matter where she was…and I did. I even discovered her inside a vacant guest house of my neighbors one day. It was so odd…no one had even been there for months and there she was inside. I still have no idea to this day how she got in there. She was quite the explorer.
As time passed and Chuck and Nancy moved in next door, it became clear to everyone that Tiger was ours. Chuck and Nancy already had 2 dogs and another cat, which my cat hated. I really think this is why Tiger moved out in the first place. They got animals that she hated. She seemed to love to be the only cat and they never respected that about her. Nancy said to me one day when we were outside and chatting that she felt Tiger belonged to us now. I was thinking when she said this “do you think?…you don’t even make an effort to keep track of her or feed her and it has been like 2 years.” Regardless, it was a relief to hear this because there were times I wondered if they would say “we want her back.” That would have devastated me. I had become fully attached to this little cat. Nancy shared a photo of Tiger with me one day that they got when they adopted her back in 1996. It was a Polaroid of her that the vet that found her on the streets of Detroit took. It said “1996 – one year old female spayed” under the picture of her. This is how I figure that she would be 14 this year.
Years passed and Tiger just became less wild and more of an indoor/outdoor cat. She stopped going next door and getting herself into trouble by going into things…she just knew we were her family so she stayed nearby. She never stopped wanting to go outside but we always knew approximately where she was in the yard and she’d check in every couple of hours. Her thing was to make a lap around our property and check out her favorite areas: the ravine, the swamp, the woods and then go down to the corner to check for rabbits and back home to her comfy bed to rest up. She was such a smart cat. I really respected her. For only being 5 lbs. she was so in control of her world and was a complete survivor I could tell.
There were times she would not show up right away and I would lose my mind. Kevin can tell you that I would wander around and cry and say she was dead and be so scared. I would call and call her and she wouldn’t come (I am only talking 4 hours or so though)…but then suddenly I would be outside and shine my flashlight to the end of the driveway and these 2 little glowing eyes would be trotting up the driveway to come home. She would come in and meow as if to say “I heard you. I heard you. But I was busy ok and you were bothering me…now can I have fancy feast.”
Tiger had such a love for the outdoors so winters were very tough. She would go stir crazy. We had to create regular playtime inside to occupy her mind from the fact that it was cold and snowy outside. We made litter boxes of sand and one of woodchips to remind her of the outdoors. We also grew grass from the yard inside in the winter. She loved to chew on grass. When we first met Tiger she would attempt to go out in the cold but the last 3 winters she was content being inside all the time. She had gotten used to sleeping in one of her 7 fleece lined beds and being covered up and tucked in before bed at night. She even adopted the suitcase on the basement shelf next to the furnace as an eighth bed so we brought blankets down to the shelf to make it even more comfortable for her. Whatever she wanted, she could have. She was our baby kitty friend.
Tiger loved to bum around with Kevin on the property and explore the ravine with him. Climbing on logs like he would do. She would mimic every move of his. If he wanted to get the mail, she would walk close by and check the chipmunk holes along the way. They would get the mail and sit on the bench together by the mailboxes often. She would chase little balls in the yard like a dog and get a burst of energy and run up trees. She was so fast! It would amaze me how good of a climber that cat was even at 13 years old. She loved to hunt baby rabbits and chipmunks and even though it made me sad to see the dead animals, I knew this was her nature and she was happier doing it. She’d bring presents often and a couple times jumped in the window WITH the baby rabbit in her mouth, running thru our bedroom. That was interesting to say the least. She loved both of us but I will admit that she loved Kevin more. She listened to Kevin all the time and though she hated being picked up, she would let Kevin pick her up. He would say “come on buddy get up” and she would jump up on his couch and “make biscuits” (cat owners know this term) behind him in her fleece bed on the arm of the couch. They would sit in the TV room for hours together and then he would tuck her in each and every night before bed. In the winter he would even cover her up with a blanket and kiss her goodnight. She loved being covered up and tucked in. They were best friends too. And as Kevin said, not being from Michigan, she was his only true Michigan friend. Kevin never wanted to be her “dad” but rather her “cool uncle” and we joked about that a lot.
Tiger loved me I know it. But we had a different relationship. I was her “momma cat.” She knew this. She allowed me to play with her and pet her on her terms. I’d get smacked here and there when I petted too much. But that was ok with me. She hated that I loved to pick her up and kiss her. I just couldn’t help it because she was so cute and pretty. She was such a sweet little girl. She never destroyed anything in the house and never jumped up on things. Even when I wanted her to. I loved her so much. I think I loved her as much as she loved Kevin if that makes sense. She became my kid and gave me a purpose for doing things in my life. She came into my life when I needed a friend the most and just took care of me every day. I was the one who prepared meals for her mostly and when the cat didn’t like a variety of food, I would easily open another can. I didn’t ever mind if any food went to waste. I just wanted her to have a choice and be satisfied. When she got ill with pancreatitis I didn’t care if I had to open 10 cans in one day just to get her to eat. I would have done anything for my kitty. I miss calling her my favorite names like puppy, monkey and stinky. She had so many nick names.
Tiger had a nice balance between outside and inside in the summer. I felt her outside time was supervised where she would only go around to certain areas and then come home. She slept a lot on the porch in the summer on one particular lounge chair in the corner. And because in the evening the sun would set and start to blind her…I had a blind installed on the porch to screen the sun from hitting her eyes. I knew all her spots in the yard and she lessened the amount of areas she traveled because she knew she had it so good with us. Spring was always tough though as she made so many trips to the corner to look for newly hatching baby rabbits. I would even walk her down to the corner sometimes because I didn’t want her to have to cross the street area alone. Our road is not busy at all. It is dirt and only the six people that live here on this side use it but I still felt I needed to be her safety and help her cross the street. She loved to sleep in our Lilly beds around the house or in the top of the garage even if it was 100+ degrees. We would drag her out of there on some summer days and she would make her way back up there anyway. She loved it HOT. One of her favorite things to do outside was to roll on the brick sidewalk or in a dirt patch or in front of the garage doors on the cement. She liked warm sunny sidewalks and would flip back and forth and get all dirty and just be happy covered in dust and pine needles. Tiger walked around these woods and owned them. She was so in control of her surroundings. The neighbors knew her and she knew their dogs and her safety zones. My neighbors have mentioned how much they actually liked seeing her come by for visits including Bill who was her friend.
We would take Tiger upnorth on summer trips because I would have missed her too much to leave her home. She hated car rides but I would sit in the back seat with her and help her along the way by petting her for 4+ hours on trips. Making sure if she got carsick I was with her the entire time. On shorter trips she had Susan and Lori as pet sitters and they were so good to her.
We have had hawks, owls, coyotes and red fox frequent this property and I worried that one of them would carry her off one day. But somehow when I stood back and watched and saw that she came home every day for 13+ years on this street, I knew she was smart and she knew how to avoid them. I believe she had worked out a mutual understanding and respect with the other animals so to not harm each other. I couldn’t ever deny her the outdoors because this is the only one thing that Tiger truly loved.
Tiger was really never very ill in the 9 years she lived with us. She had one bout in 2006 where she became picky eating and I thought she might have eaten the pet recall food during that scare but she recovered after a couple months. I never really understood what that was about… but she got better so that is all that matters.
This past February (Feb 2009) after doing so well over the winter, Tiger started getting picky again with food. We had just returned from a trip to Arizona and so I thought maybe she was upset we went out of town and left her. A week passed at the beginning of March where the picky-ness was not going away so we went to the vet. I took Tiger to a special cat only practice because it was important that she get the best care possible.
The vet ran all sorts of tests for several weeks as she seemed to continue to get really picky with food. All tests came back normal except the one that we sent to Texas A/M University that measured the pancreas. The levels came back high so the vet diagnosed her with pancreatitis. The condition was not curable but it was controlled with several medications. Cats can live with pancreatitis.
We started on meds for a while but Tiger really wasn’t doing well on the meds and was having side effects. Other than the Prednilisone that was to treat the inflammation of the pancreas, I stopped the symptomatic meds. She seemed to start eating then suddenly so we decided to tapper all meds off for a while. Plus she was happier that we weren’t picking her up and shoving pills down her throat. She seemed better off the meds for awhile.
But at the beginning of April she started to do badly again. She had good and bad days for that month until May when we took her to get an ultra sound at a wonderful place in Canton. They were so good to her. Ultra sound came back normal for the most part other than the pancreas looked inflamed so again they confirmed it had to be pancreatitis but no one knew why the episode was lasting so long. You see with pancreatitis the flair acts up and then it settles back down and sometimes you can get years in between flairs so it is a condition cats can live with. That is if you know how to recognize the flairs and treat when they act up. The 2006 episode now makes me think she had a flair back then and it was not pet recall food. No one could tell me this time though why the flair up was lasting months. She had lost about a half a pound, which is significant for a cat that only weighs 5 lbs. She just was starting to look older to us too but we were doing everything possible to help her and keep her life as normal as possible. I was working at home certain days and Kevin was too. We started up new meds and were trying different things but she was still so picky. The only way to get Tiger to eat regularly over the last 3 weeks was to give an appetite stimulant. She hated to be picked up and then having to open her mouth to pill her. This stressed her out so much. But even so, she was still going out and hunting and getting around. She never gave up no matter what, even when it appeared she was feeling nauseated or in pain. She made trips to explore the woods and always came back to us and had that survivor mentality — the outdoors made her so much happier.
On her bad days, Kevin and I talked about the day that we might have to put her down at the vet and that just was so hard for me to visualize. I would say at that time that it would almost be easier if she died outside or if a coyote got her…but I was saying this when she was here. Now that this is a reality it is almost harder. I keep asking though, is it better if she died by being taken away by a coyote or having to put her down at the vet? I just hate that these ideas are running thru my head.
This past Memorial weekend, I decided to go upnorth and Kevin stayed home to help the cat because it was too tough to ask anyone to watch her and give medication. And I didn’t want her to be sick in the car. I needed a break because for 3 months we have been trying to get her to eat normally and I was burned out. I decided to stay only one night upnorth and came home at 10pm on Sunday before Memorial Day. I walked in to find Kevin and the cat hanging out upstairs in the window and she meowed a happy meow when she saw I was home. I petted her and said that I was going to unpack and would be back to see her in a bit. Kevin and I talked about giving her an appetite pill that night to make her eat since Sunday was a bad day for her. We were keeping track of everything we fed her in a log and writing down her every move whether good or bad to keep track of her life. So at 11:30pm that Sunday – May 24, 2009, I let Tiger outside like all the other nights where she went out for about 2 hours and came in. Tiger had something sticky on the top of her head so I asked Kevin and he said that she spent the day under the pine trees and it was sap. I brushed her real quick and cut out the sap on the top of her head….kissed the top of her head…and then let her outside saying “ok buddy, I love you, when you get back I will give you a pill but you are off the hook for a couple hours.”
Tiger never came home.
We have searched about 20 acres with no signs of anything. Called local vets, police, put up flyers, talked to neighbors about opening garages, sheds, campers. No sign. The only sign we have seen is a clump of fur. But the fur doesn’t look like hers….it looks like old rabbit. I didn’t sleep for 48 hours straight when she first went missing and have waited for her every night. Crying hysterically like it is all my fault that I let her out. This cat that I didn’t want to commit to in the beginning became my special friend and kid. She came into my life when I was lonely and filled a gap. She took care of me more than I took care of her. I am so lost without her. The not knowing part is killing me. The only closure on her life is this letter because I don’t know what happened to her. Sometimes I think it would be easier to discover a body than not knowing. I know soldier’s families say this when their kids end up MIA in war. I didn’t really understand this till now. Having a body gives closure. Otherwise you wonder forever.
When Brittany my dog died, it was sad but not the same. We buried Brit. Tiger came into my life suddenly and left just as sudden 9 years later with no trace. Made an impact more than anyone could ever imagine and I am left here without her. Not knowing and sad. She would have been the one that comforted me when I was feeling this way, sad. I need her now more than ever. I would have simply petted her and she would have purred and I would have felt better all the way around. I find myself sleeping with one of her blankets every night. I feel better knowing she touched it at one time. I walk around the house and see her bowls on each level of the house, the beds, the blankets, the toys and she is not here. I see the steps we built on the backside of the porch so she wouldn’t have to go all the way around to get up to the porch.
When Tiger was about 11 she started clicking when she walked. Sounded like her nails on wood floor but we discovered it was a joint that didn’t really bother her just made a noise. I still hear clicking today because she “clicked thru” our bedroom every morning. I hear her jumping into the window in our bedroom because the wicker chair makes a crackling sound when she jumped up. But then I look and listen closer and she is not there. I hear her purring in her bed but the bed is empty. I remember her reaching and stretching her paw out to me often when I would walk by her bed when she was resting…almost as if to say hi. I REMEMBER IT ALL AND THAT IS THE PROBLEM…because it is only a memory now.
The woods are so silent now. When she used to travel around the squirrels would warn each other of her passing. The woods are silent now. She is gone.
I want to ask you Tiger my friend, my monkey, my puppy, my little girl, my baby kitty cat….
Where did you go?
If you went away to die, I respect that.
If you met your fate with a coyote or fox, I am so sorry.
If you are stuck somewhere and can’t make it back, I love you. I couldn’t find you this time.
I will never stop waiting for you but in my heart I will have to move on eventually. You taught me so many things and I really was able to move forward with my life because of you. I am suddenly back 9 years ago and feeling those feelings of “what do I do now?” all over again.
I will never forget you…you are at peace now baby girl.
With love forever,
| Tiger |
| Jennifer Bradley |