1998 —– June 21 2001
Rats
I killed my beloved rats.
Twiggy (the lover) Pebbles (the mellow one) and Sandy (the adventurer).
When we moved in with my sister-in-law she didn’t want the rats inside the house.
But There was no way I was going to let them live outside or in the dark dank garage.
They need alot of attention and affection.
So we compromised I could put them in the glass enclosed deck
attached to the side of the house but not exactly in it.
That worked out fine for months,but than it started getting warmer.
It was easy enough to deal with…even on sweltering hot days
I would throw a towel over their cage and open up the windows.
Or put them in the garage if I was going out for the day.
But one morning I forgot to do any of that.
My sister-in-law was leaving earlier than usual so I had to rush (I don’t drive).
Once I was out I remembered.
But I couldn’t get home so I told my husband and he said no problem
he would swing by and put them in the garage.
He was going shopping right by the house anyway.
Great I thought,now I don’t have to worry. So I went on with my day and
took my two-year-old son and my niece to her playdate in the park.
Later when I saw my husband I asked him if he had done it
he paused,looked down,and said he forgot…
My heart sank I was cold and sweating the whole ride home.
and sure enough,when I looked in their cage they were all dead.
Those precious little creatures loved me so much
and always wanted to be in my arms.
They depended on me and I let them die in the most torturous
brutal way imaginable.
I replay that day in my head everyday.
Why didn’t I take responsibility?
Why did I expect my husband to remember?
He has so many things to think about with his catering company.
I know how he forgets to do stuff now and
then I was right there with him that morning at his work.
Why didn’t I just blow off that stupid playdate and go with him?
He even called me on my cell from the store to see if I needed anything.
WHY DIDN’T I REMIND HIM THEN?
Why didn’t I keep the rats on my mind?
It was baking hot at the park.
Why didn’t I think of my pets as I searched for shade?
I even saw a mouse scamper across the playground.
Why didn’t that trigger anything?
I feel like killing myself so I don’t have to think about what I’ve done anymore.
I won’t of course but I feel that bad. The guilt and grief is overwhelming.
Twiggy Sandy and Pebbles gave us so much joy.
They didn’t deserve what they got.
I miss them so much.
Diana
| Twiggy Pebbles & Sandy |