Jan. 15 2002
Dog
In 1989 I moved to Jacksonville Florida all by myself.
First time on my own. Hundreds of miles from home.
I knew as soon as I moved down there I would get my own dog.
My parents urged me to wait and get settled but two days after
arriving in Florida I went to the Humane Society.
I fell in love with two puppies.
Knowing I could only afford one I picked Kaluha.
(I always wondered what happened to her sister.)
Kaluha and I bonded instantly. We did everything together.
When I had to go to work I would sometime cry because I didn’t want
to leave her alone. She was my baby.
When ever I brought my work home she would take the pen out
of my hand and demand attention.
I was very lonely down there without my family but Kaluha filled
a huge hole in my heart. A year later Bailey came into our lives.
Abandoned at 2 weeks old we had to take him into our lives.
Kaluha and Bailey never bonded but they loved each other
from a distance. Kaluha was always top dog!
I love Bailey but it is different.
Kaluha and I had a unique relationship. Hard to define.
The 3 of us traveled and moved all over the east coast.
They adjusted to new environments easily.
Kaluha began slowing down around the age of 2.
She slipped on hard wood floors and permanently hurt her back.
She was put on Rymadel and that helped for many years.
Her arthritis was pretty bad.
Her vet did not like to touch her because her bones
creaked so bad. She never complained.
Last year I would only take her on long walks once a day
because she tired out fast and I was seen dragging her up
and down the street. I had to keep her moving because I knew if
I didn’t the arthritis would get worse.
On January 1st while walking in the dark Kaluha yelped
and could not walk anymore. I carried her all the way home.
Not an easy task at 55 pounds.
She had torn the ligaments in her knee.
At 12 1/2 surgery was not an option.
She was given lots of medication. I was pushing pills down her
throat constantly. She never minded taking meds in the past but
recently I would have to lift her head to get them down and
that was painful for her.
Sometimes her mouth was so dry that I would let her lick
beef bouillon ice cubes before giving her another pill.
The pills would only work for short periods.
She would lay in the same position for hours afraid to move
from the pain.
Kaluha- on January 15th I decided to take all the pain away
and let you rest. That was the worst day in my life.
You fell asleep in my trusting arms.
You did not fight the vet.
You just looked at me with those big brown eyes.
I am sorry baby. I cry everyday for you and I miss you so much.
Bailey is fine but he doesn’t understand.
He sometimes growls to protect his food and then realizes
he doesn’t have to do that anymore.
He looks so confused. I won’t get another dog for a long while.
Bailey needs to be top dog for a while.
Everytime I vacuum the carpets I feel you are slipping further
and further away. Your little blonde hairs are disappearing.
The grass is growing where you went to the bathroom.
My clothes are hair free.
The recent snow has washed your scent away.
I want you back Louie. I don’t want the memory to fade.
I want to lay on the floor beside you and pet you and rub your ears.
I want to wipe away your tears.
I want to play tug and see you get excited for a cookie.
I want to see your tail wag when you see Toby and Brandi.
I want to see you cock your head back and forth everytime
I said one of your friends names.
I want to see your brown eyes and hear your bark and
your excitement when I walk in the house.
I’m sorry Kaluha for what I did.
Your mommy misses you.
I love you.
Don’t be afraid. I’ll come for you.
I love you. I love you. I love you.
Love
MOMMY and Bailey
| Kaluha |