BE FREE MY FRIEND GOODBYE 6/13/05
Dear Monte
I never thought that I would be sitting here today writing you a letter to you to say goodbye. I do not know where to begin. I am overwhelmed and an emotional wreck. I want you to know that I will always LOVE YOU and I want to tell you that you have, and always will have a special place in my heart forever and we will be together again. This is the hardest and most painful decision that I have ever had to make in my life. I see the distance in your eyes.
You ultimately, made the final decision that it was time and you wanted to be free from this painful existence. I knew through your body language that the end was near and your signals have been loud and clear and I want you to be comfortable and set you free of any pain and suffering.
I will always remember the day that we met and you came into my life and heart. It was 18years ago in March, my mom and I agreed to go to the kitty cottage at the orphan’s of the storm shelter. It was there where we first set eyes on each other. You had jumped off the highest perch and landed on my mom’s shoulders, she started to scream. I thought ha, that was nice and easy, job well done. I was chosen to be your cat mom, so we proceeded with the adoption papers.
We have been together for 18 years and embraced life to it’s fullest.
You were there for me through 7 moves, Boyfriends and breakups, Engagements, marriage, divorce and the birth of Jessica. You were a member of our family. It has been an honor to have been a part of your life.
I will always remember how you loved to lay in Jessica’s crib and we would cover you up like a baby. It was there where you learned uppy. I would say uppy to you and you would put your arms up and I would pick you up and I would carry you around the house over my shoulder it was if You knew and understood every word I was saying to you. You were my one and only mama’s good boy. I will also remember the time when I sat Jessica on the floor in the downstairs bathroom and when you smelled her scent of the diaper you were sure to let us know that you were the King of the castle by marking your territory where she had sat.
You welcomed and bonded with Molly and Maddy, however, they well understood that this home was your domain, you were very territorial and you are the alpha male. Unfortunetly, you never really liked Mosley, nor did you have patience for him, as he is a puppy.
All our furry friends are going to miss you and they all say goodbye.
Who is going to kanoodle and give tongue bath’s and kisses to Maddy?
What’s Molly going to do when you’re not rolling and romping in the catnip garden with her?
Mosley, well, you could always live without the barking, and the crazies, and lets not forget how Mosley would stand guard sitting and waiting for you to leave your food bowl, for perhaps you have left some food behind.
The last 8 years have really been rough and tough and difficult for us, but we made the best of it and conquered all.
They have been the most precious years of all. First it was megacolon and then 3 years ago you were diagnosed with CRF. THE DEATH SENTENCE and ultimately the inevitable this horrible disease will take your life in the end. This disease would progress into stages beginning to end. These last 9 months have proved to me how much feelings, love and devotion you had for me as I had to care for you and to make you comfortable. You’re a strong cat and showed so much strength and energy and the will to live. You were a fighter to the end, you were very resilient and did not want to leave me for this would cause me a great deal of agony, grief and pain. I am so happy and I feel so honored that I was able to be there for you and spend every moment and every step to guide you through difficult journey of your last final stage. This has been hell and the worst emotional roller coaster ride ever.
I promise you, no more rides to the vet to get blood values checked.
I promise you no more needles and pricks.
I promise you No more fluids and medication that I have shoved down your throat to keep you alive.
I promise you No more enemas.
I promise No more, my friend no more.
I was the best cat mom and I did the best I could to take care of you. I learned and educated myself with everything there was to learn about megacolon and CRF this horrible death sentence. I was your sole caregiver.
I did everything in my powers to make you a happy cat. I gave you and provided the best quality of life. It was you and me, good days and bad.
I devoted 110 % of my time and energy to see to it that you were content.
And in the end there was nothing I could do to make you comfortable and ease you pain. Your time is near.
I loved our time together. Your mama’s good boy!
I loved everything you gave to me. I LOVE YOU to death!
I loved it when you would guard me and make me feel safe and that no one mattered in the world but you and me. For 18 years. You are my world as I am your world.
I loved it when I would go to sleep and you were there on my pillow and when I would awake you would still be there as if you never wandered through the house in the night.
I loved it when I would come home and there you were to greet me at the door.
I loved it when you would sit on my lap for hours on end, all day and night and we would snuggle.
I loved it when you would take your paw and reach it out to touch my face and hold it on my cheek.
I loved it when you would drink from the sink and out of your bottle.
I loved it when we would cuddle in bed together or the couch and you would nurse on me, you loved to suck on my pajamas.
I loved to see you frolicking and happy in the catnip.
I loved to watch you play in the garden.
I just loved to sit and stare at you.
You are a true warrior and fought death to the end. You are the most, wonderful, incredible, strong, courageous, smart, champ and a trooper of a cat. You loved to eat your watermelon and shrimp.
In the beginning you grew to a 25lb happy, affectionate fat cat who loved life,
Loved to hang out, loved to whatever, and in the end you were unhappy, miserable, ornery, weak, and a frail 7 lb cat if that. Although, you never seemed to loose your status as the alpha male. You began to growl in your old age and your presence was heard.
We have so many wonderful years that we shared everything together.
What am I going to do without you? How will I go on? I am left with all of these unanswered questions and the what if’s. All I can do is cry. I feel as though my heart is getting ripped out of my chest. This is the saddest day of my life.
I will be so lost without you! You have been a blessing in my life my soulmate
I know that you need and deserve comfort and peace and I promise to you that I will set you free with dignity and respect. I have to divest myself of the criminal feelings of guilt that accompany such a decision,
It is the most unselfish act of kindness, that has allowed me to ease your pain and suffering and to help you to a better place and I want you to be happy and be at peace.
I ask you for forgiveness.
Monte you will endure in our hearts for much longer than your eighteen years. Thank you for allowing me into your life.
Thank you for being and sharing with me in my life.
Thank you for giving me all the unconditional love and thank you for showing me how to die with dignity.
Thank you for helping me make the decision easier and for allowing me this closure, here’s to you my big furry, friend.
IT’S SO HARD TO SAY GOODBYE!
.
Thank you Monte for 18 beautiful years of beautiful life and for being there for me. Through good days and bad. You will forever be in my heart and soul. I know that you will be in heaven waiting for me so that we will be together again. You have my word; I promise to you that we will be together again.
I promise I will bring you home; we will meet again, with hugs, tears and kisses, as we walk together, in eternity, to our new home.
I promise I will place you in a safe place on my shelf and hold you and talk to you until we can go together to my grave. For these are my wishes.
I will mourn your loss.
IT’S SO HARD TO LET GO AND SAY GOODBYE
The time has come….Farewell, little warrior…. This is the end my big furry friend……
BE BRAVE, BE STRONG, BE CONTENT, GO PEACEFULLY, AND MOST OF ALL BE FREE! UNTIL WE MEET AND ARE REUNITED TOGETHER AGAIN!!
YOU DESERVE TO BE CONENT, YOU DESERVE TO BE FREE!
I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU FOREVER,
| Monte |
| Dana Gordon |