My Dear Quandor —
a four year old Dutch imported Rottweiler — obedience titled
and a good all around companion — joined me in the late winter of 2000.
A friend and I went to pick up this beautiful dog whom I’d
only seen in a blurry photo. It was love at first site.
He was a small but very beautiful male Rottie.
He was obedient to a fault. He was confident and regal.
He had been in kennels all his life and God only knows what sort
of life he really had until now.
Perhaps because of his protection training he was extremely calm
and comfortable in any situation.
He came into my life during a very bad time in my life.
I was in the middle of divorce and was fighting for my very life —
my children — with my husband of 10 years.
He had become violent (my husband — not the dog)and I decided
to get a trained dog to help ease my fears and discourage
any more violence.
It worked beautifully. Quandor went everywhere with me.
He sat alert in the passenger seat of my car — keeping an eye
out for danger perhaps?
Perhaps just enjoying the view! We both bonded very quickly …
he loved the affection I poured on him and I loved the
calmness he brought me. With him I felt safe.
He never had to protect me in any way but he was my security.
He quite literally kept me sane during such a painful and
scary time in my life.
When I moved out on my own — for the first time in my 34 years —
he was there with me. He reassured me with his quiet company that
he was there for me if needed.
He joined me for the long walk to the mailbox every day — off leash.
He was perfectly behaved. Sometimes his dignity left him and he
would bound onto the bed in the early morning and would roll
over on his back on top of me licking me nudging me with his nose
and basically making a fool of himself.
It was only a year later that he began to tire easily.
I assumed he had grown comfortable and was just becoming
a lazy boy. That assumption changed when he decided he
needed to diet. He would eat very little — sometimes not at all —
and just a month and a half later he was down 15 lbs off of
his already lean body. His ribs his hips and even his cheek
bones began to bulge under his beautiful coat.
Becoming worried we visited the veterinarian only to learn that his
problem *might* be a virus or bone-marrow cancer — since his blood
levels were so very low.
He was extremely anemic and his immune system was weak.
Weeks and weeks of antibiotics and steroids were given to help —
and they did for a very short period of time — then out of the blue
he stopped eating for an entire week despite the medication.
It was beginning to dawn on me that I might be losing him.
My companion! My protector! My sanity! I refused to face it.
I did not want to return to the vet only to learn that it was cancer …
so I ignored it. I cried every night.
Quandor began following me around the house —
something he never did before — following me to the bathroom
the bedroom the kitchen the closet … wherever I was he was.
I believe he knew what was happening. Whether he was seeking my
comfort or trying to comfort me remains a mystery.
A week more went by and he was beginning to look very sick.
He would fall down the stairs when trying to walk down.
He would take only a few steps before laying down.
He never complained though. If I called him he would come no
matter how he felt. I tried hand-feeding him.
It was a time consuming job. It would take him 20 minutes to eat
just a couple bits of kibble. We were losing this battle.
I prayed I cried and I played Enya’s “Only Time” on the radio every
night while I laid on the floor with him in the dark.
It was one incident that shocked me that made me face the fact
that we really were losing this battle.
I took him out for our walk to the mailbox and not one
but several people came up to us and exclaimed “Oh my god”
when they saw him on our walk back.
One woman asked me where Quandor was and if I had gotten
a new dog or something! I took a long look at my friend.
I saw the ribs now actually jutting from his body I saw the weak
and haggered look in his eyes.
I noticed the very slow pace at which we were forced to walk.
I stopped crying long enough to tell myself that I was making my
best friend suffer because of my own pain.
It was time.
I went into the apartment and called the vet.
I asked about euthanasia. She told me to come in any time.
So a few days later the kids and I played ball with him gave him
extra treats and a whole lot of love then I drove him to the vet clinic.
I was unable to speak as soon as they asked me why we were there.
I began to sob uncontrollably. They were so kind.
They respectfully took me to a room for privacy.
Looking over at his charts the vet told me I was doing the right thing
because he was a very sick boy and suffering.
We both laid on the floor together my body over his as the doctor
administered his last shot. I listened to his heartbeat stop.
My Darling Quandor was gone.
Never would I touch his sweet face again. Never would I be
awaked by a his antics in the morning.
I began to wail as I have never done so in my life.
The pain was unbearable.
I realized that I had just taken all of his pain into my heart —
to bear the rest of my life — so that he would be free.
It was the most unselfish act I had ever committed.
But the guilt haunted me. I could have tried harder!
I should have fought harder! Why did I give up so easily!
The most heartbreaking thought was that the one person in
the world that he trusted was the one that took his life.
It was a horrible nightmarish experience.
I vowed then and there to never own another dog.
Three weeks later my loving and well meaning boyfriend becoming
desperate to ease my heartache and tears drove me to Canada one
weekend and purchased a purebred Cane Corso puppy for me.
We actually drove home with the fat bundle of fur in my lap!
That puppy brought me more attention at my apartments than I
ever dreamed possible.
That summer I spent every day and every night with 12 other tenants
and their young dogs so that the puppies could play together.
We made life-long friends and memories to last a lifetime.
It was just the thing I needed to fully recover from the traumatic divorce
and cope with the loss of my beloved friend.
Perhaps God really does have a reason for everything.
Quandor had served his will perfectly and was rewarded
with eternal peace.
I was given the gift of friendship and memories of a wonderful
companion that made it all possible.
Thank you Quandor for being there when I needed you most …
I will miss you each and every day of my life.
I know in my heart that when I die you will be waiting for me at
the gates of heaven and will be the first to greet me there!
I no longer fear death or life!
I love you my friend.
| Quandor |
| Shelly |